The Most Dangerous Gameshow

I propose a new reality-wildlife-gameshow wherein we challenge some established truths about the food chain by making animals compete head to head for points.

For example, we all know how dangerous the shark is. Bitey, swift and intimidating are but a few of its attributes, it is clearly king of the sea-people. But what happens when "La parte del diente submarina grande" comes into direct inescapable conflict with a new creature. In this case, the fuzzy-old-man of the woods, the bee.

Agile, quick-to-anger and with a butt full of poison, the bee is one of the forest's most known animals. Able to sense its prey through dance from a distance of over eight centimetres the "petite balle d'étamine" is nothing if not dedicated to whatever task it has exclusively known since "birth".

Upon entering the "Enviro-sphere" the shark is inititially very agitated, flailing around in the 12 inches of water in the "Combat-pool", it does however calm down. The bee though is difficult to see, after three minutes it becomes apparent that it has stung a runner who died from anaphalaxis soon after the bee matyred itself. The shark is also dead.

Proving once and for all that the greatest predator is television.

Names I Have Written

For various reasons I create characters for things. Some for sketches, some for role playing games, some for improv scenes. Here are some of the names I have used of late.

Senator Wickerman Fightballs
Doctor Columbia Peepshow
Timothy Switchback
Professor Honky Fingerbang (Courtesey of Donova Workun of Canada, Canada, Canada)
Nemo Anonymous
Doctor M. Bloodfart
Billiam Gloabaltradeinfrastucture
Phillip Sexcrime
Dickie Tummy
Dirk Now
Jeff Alden-Meer
Complementary Beverage
Kermit The God
Blake Awesome
Jack Permafrost
Doctor Exposition
Detective-Policeman Rockford Files
J. L. Bird
Mister Velociraptor
Shaniqua Dundee
PC Dawn Raids
MP Julie Elected and also another MP Jerry Mandering

Presented with no point or comment.

A Sample Scene From My Screenplay, Time-bother.

What follows is an excerpt from one of the many film ideas I'm developing. For the purposes of your imagination please visualise the following performers as the cast.

Carl - John Krasinski (The Office US)
Leonard - Donald Glover (Community)
Anna - Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development)
Man 1 - Tim Robbins (The Hudsucker Proxy)
Man 2 - Another Tim Robbins (The Hudsucker Proxy)
Mr Velociraptor - A Velociraptor, but like, one in a top hat. (Jurassic Ritz)

Scientists in a laboratory, 2025. Carl, Leonard and Anna are arguing, they all wear lab coats.

CARL: We can't do this. I won't allow-
ANNA: You knew Carl! You knew exactly what we had planned. We agreed.
LEONARD: Anna's right. We all knew where this could go if- when this worked out.
ANNA: Exactly, Leonard's right.
CARL: No. Time travel is too dangerous. There are too many, just too many variables. We can't have any idea the effects that changing one tiny thing will have, let alone what you're proposing.
ANNA: We'll save so many people. Think of that.
CARL: You're still talking about killing. It's a huge alteration to the timeline-
LEONARD: The needs of the many...
CARL: I don't know-
LEONARD: Outweigh... go on...
CARL: The needs of the few... of the one. Let's do this.

Cut to office interior 2005, two men sit at a desk.

MAN 1: Hey, what if he's an opera singer?
MAN 2: Oh, yeah! And he can sing the name of the company over and over again.
MAN 1: But we can have him do a series of terrible puns and sight gags! We are-

Carl and Leonard appear behind them.

MAN 1: Oh my god!
CARL: Are you both working on an ad campaign for Go Compare?
MAN 2: Yes, but where did y-
LEONARD: Light 'em up.

Carl shoots both men. Leonard douses the office in petrol and lights a match.

Cut to Laboratory 2025. Anna's lab coat is blue.

LEONARD: We did it!
CARL: More importantly we didn't change the time stream any more than we had to.
ANNA: You're back! Great! I got us some wine to celebrate.
LEONARD: I'll get a corkscrew.
CARL: Wait! How come you're wearing a blue lab coat?
ANNA: They've always been blue.
CARL: Leonard, I think we may have changed history.
LEONARD: OK, but not in a significant way, I think we're going to be fine. Let's get some wine.

A knock at the door. Anna opens it!

ANNA: It's the boss! Welcome Mister Velociraptor! Mission Accomplished!
MR V: Rawr!

Mr Velociraptor enters and vomits music, Anna laughs and begins to emit jets of wine from her eyes. The various appliances in the laboratory grow mouths and scream incoherently. Carl looks aghast.

LEONARD: Ok. Yes. We may have messed up time.