Batman's Diary

May 12th

Long night sitting on rooves... roofes... roofses (?) and that, defending the people of Gotham by watching them at night. Got very bored after a while, but made up songs to pass the time. Information I got from the kid I beat up paid off though, after ages, The Joker turned up with a few lads and was planning on blowing up the hospital, but with fish or something; only - like deadly fish that emit that stupid fucking gas of his. Anyway, I interrupted by punching and doing some kicks on them, I had a great time. Joker hid towards the end of the fight but I managed to catch him using the "shave and a haircut" bit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Classic. Might watch that before bed. Beat the Joker up obviously. Like, a lot. Dropped him off at Arkham on the way home, new guard on duty was "weird" at me. Like he was impressed, but he was annoyed that he was impressed by me. What's that about?

Wish Mum and Dad were here.

May 14th

"Bruce" had a converation with Commisioner Gordon at some charity thing. I dropped loads of hints and he still has no idea! Brilliant.

May 15th

Considering hiring another child to work alongside me. No idea where that thought came from. In other news; I bought a frigging tank. AMAZE!

Also, Joker escaped again. That guard got killed, so I feel a bit bad about not liking him now. Still haven't watched Roger Rabbit.

May 17th

Two-Face is getting weirder. Tonight I tracked him down at his hideout in the docks, but when I burst in he was dressed as a giant crow and blowing some asian guy. He said the coin made him do it. I've been trying to figure out exactly what series of coin tosses lead to that and am none the wiser.  Punched them a lot though. Brilliant. Dropped Harvey off at Arkham and just left the other guy in town, wasn't sure what to do there. I'm not convinced he was a criminal. Will keep tabs though, just in case.

Made a picture of Mum and Dad again out of pasta. Put it in the cave with the others. 5,058 now.

May 18th

Had to go to the Moon for a Justice League meeting today. Got into another stupid argument with Wonder Woman about her "right to choose". She's pretty though, but she's angry at everything all the time. She wants more women on the team, Flash pointed out it's not about gender it's about superpowers. And everyone looked at me, but I said "I'm the Goddamn Batman." and they laughed. Except WW.

It's hard to tell but I think there's another, different guy in the Green Lantern costume. Where the hell do they go? They can't all get killed can they? There's a new one every week for god's sake. 

Superman invited me over for dinner tomorrow at the Fortress of Solitude, I said yes, but I hate it there. It's not like I can get a cab home, I can't drink and fly the Batwing and I'm not having him fly me home again. Not that he'll drink and fly though, but he won't drink if I'm not drinking. Why don't we just eat upstairs? I'll call him in a minute. Or just start talking out loud and assume he can hear me. Actually, that's really creepy? If he can hear people in trouble, can he hear them on the toilet? Like all the time? Ugh.