Rejected advertising copy I wrote for an American food conglomerate last year from a simple design brief for thier new food addittive, Porkpal. Porkpal has yet to be brought to market because of some persistent psycho pharmaceutical problems with human testing. The rights to the unused copy remain with me; I present it here in the form it was submitted to the client. Only in italics.
"Hey! If you're like everyone else who's like you, you love pork, right? But why does pork have to be so goddamn dull? Simple, idiot. It doesn't.
That was then, right up to now, but now and forever there's a new product that milks the boredom out of pork and replaces it with a powerful upper torso taste-tackle.
Porkpal is here to replace the boring flavour of pork treats and make them taste like your own dreams! Try its seven delicious and prophecised flavours;
- Chicken!
- Beefs!
- Ham!
- Beefs-lite. (It's OK).
- Acronym!
- Internet!
- and Ghost!
But why stop at improving your own foods? Make new inexpensive baits, trick a vegetarian or just host your own pork-party. So power up your pork product's palate today. Also try our upcoming, pre-new taste tickle - Weather flavour, coming soon!
Porkpal! Eat more meat more!
(Porkpal is only for use on pork and is not to be used on other meats, foods, materials or concepts. Porkpal is hazardous in damp environments and must be stored in a dry, dark and calm environment. Do not allow Porkpal to come into contact with cats, roads or the literature of Cormac McCarthy.)"
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